If you haven’t noticed, I have been blogging a lot lately. I have been in a funk. In a mood. In a depression. And completely alone. I work mostly at night now. I sit in a little room where the phone rings every time someone dies. I then assess whether or not tissue and eyes can be safely removed from that body and put into another.
It’s a good job. It pays the bills. And believe it or not, I see my family more when I work at night than I do working during the day. How does that work you may ask? Well if I worked the day shift I would leave before my daughter was awake, and get home about one hour before she went to bed. Working nights is different. When I go home in a couple of hours my daughter will just be waking up. I will go to bed just after she goes to school. And then I will wake just as she is coming home. I will spend time with the family and leave just after dinner.
I still work on an ambulance in the Hollar. That is my second full time job. And it is as exciting and frustrating as ever.
So here I am. Up all night. Waiting for the dead. Tired. Quiet. Waiting.
During the slow times, which are often, I deconstruct the remnants of the career I no longer wish to have. Don’t get me wrong. I still enjoy working on an ambulance. Working in the holler. But I am tired and thin with it. I enjoy dissecting my career in this oddly public web 2.0 fashion. It is oddly comforting to know that I am just typing away, my co-workers oblivious to the clicking, and knowing that a few hundred people will read it before I make it to work again.
Someday I will perhaps know what I want to do when I grow up. But for now I will continue to wait for the dead and tell you a few stories when I am bored. My blog set a new record this month and I am grateful for your attention to my prattling. I feel like I am sitting in the dark, quietly whispering to hundreds of people. Its cathartic. Its therapeutic. Its humbling.
Thank you for listening.
thanks for blogging….
We’ll always read whatever you decide to blog about Buck. Even if you occasionally feel the need to vent about certain subjects (I.e. Second amendment) which seem near to your heart & soul. Hopefully you have embarked on a more rewarding career path and maybe even someday the Hollar will wake up to realize how fortunate they are to have people like you around… Even if you trash my second amendment rights.
. Stay safe.
HA! I have always wanted to have a place on the internet where people could disagree with me AND still like me. Brilliant. *Sniff* I love you man! Peace!
You may be whispering in the dark, Buck but you’re bringing a little light to a lot of people while you’re doing it. I think most of us that have been in healthcare any length of time have been where you are now. Sometimes it passes with time and sometimes it takes a major change in direction but one way or the other it will work out. Hang in there and know that even if you don’t know us individually, we’re there with you in spirit.
Buck, without this outlet I don’t know what you would do. I know I (and i hope i speak for others as well) relate very strongly to your stories and rants because we have all been in, or are currently in situations like yours. I know how it can be so frustrating to give and sacrifice so mush over and over again, left wondering if anyone even noticed. Well I’m here to tell you that your efforts are recognised and appreciated, by your family and your brothers and sisters who stand beside you and fight the goo fight. I’m happy to hear that the “eye ball fishing” pays the bills. Enjoy your time at home, you deserve it.